minus the halo.

The perils of pressing shuffle on your iPod on a Monday morning.

2012-01-30T02:35:00.001-08:00

The day breaks, your mind aches
You find that all her words of kindness linger on
When she no longer needs you

She wakes up, she makes up
She takes her time and doesn't feel she has to hurry
She no longer needs you

And in her eyes you see nothing
No sign of love behind her tears
Cried for no one
A love that should have lasted years

You want her, you need her
And yet you don't believe her when she says her love is dead
You think she needs you

And in her eyes you see nothing
No sign of love behind the tears
Cried for no one
A love that should have lasted years

You stay home, she goes out
She says that long ago she knew someone but now he's gone
She doesn't need him

Your day breaks, your mind aches
There will be times when all the things she said will fill your head
You won't forget her

And in her eyes you see nothing
No sign of love behind her tears
Cried for no one
A love that should have lasted years

-For No One, The Beatles

One for the books.

2012-01-29T23:06:00.000-08:00

Almost six hours (only seven minutes short! The longest in finals history.) of unbelievable amazing tennis. All the things you can imagine --winners, aces, borderline returns, double digit rallies, they were there. O: No one was just willing to give up. Too bad there could only be one winner. Kudos to Rafa for putting up a good fight and congratulations to Nole for winning it! (: One day I will watch this thing live, I swear.

And for what, fifty thousand bucks?

2012-01-27T01:39:00.000-08:00

M might actually be right about S. But the weight of his words caused in me greater fear than all the truth they could have possibly carried. To constantly doubt people’s intentions; to question whether they can be trusted; to think that they are going to take advantage of or hurt you ---I am not sure I want to live like that..

Cool wind in my hair.

2012-01-26T07:46:00.000-08:00

Waiting with bated breath.

2012-01-20T21:40:00.000-08:00

I'd like to see you once more and really know for sure.

Connect the dots.

2012-01-19T02:21:00.001-08:00

For instance, you're a good mom but you're a bad daughter to your own mom and your husband thinks you're a bad wife, over all... can you be considered a good person? Are there parts of us which should be considered more important than the others? Are we a sum of all the parts or the average? How are we being judged?

Every song tells a story.

2012-01-17T10:27:00.000-08:00

You drop a coin into the sea, and shout out "Please come back to me"
You name your child after your fear, and tell them "I have brought you here"
The Night Starts Here, Stars

A friend tweeted that they are coming here on August. I am crossing my fingers it's for real.

Lola from Canada.

2012-01-16T14:10:00.000-08:00

Krazy Garlik, 2F Greenbelt 5. My friend Meera was here on vacation from Canada so we decided to meet her for dinner. The couples did not make it but the usual suspects were present --- J, D, L and E. It was a fun a night of non stop eating talking and laughing! We tried to bid goodbye after coffee but we only ended up getting a bench near the fountain to continue reminiscing about the past, imagining the future and laughing some more. :D

Pre-period funk.

2012-01-14T17:02:00.000-08:00

It's that time of the month again. Only this time, I have nothing to distract me from it. Feeling sad over nothing. And everything. I hope my hormones get their act together so I can move on with life. It's so hard to be a girl, I swear.

REPOSTING. More Fun in the Philippines.

2012-01-09T03:03:00.000-08:00

I love all the pictures. I hope DOT is collecting all of them. It truly is more fun in the Philippines! I hope tourists will come to visit. (:

The ides of march.

2012-01-07T19:13:00.001-08:00

Stephen: "I'll do or say anything if I believe in it, but I have to believe in the cause."

All the while i thought it was going to be one of those highly intellectual boring movies, as this is usually the case when a theater play is adapted to fit the big screen. I couldn't be any happier I was proven wrong. It's hard to place the story under a particular category, say it's about American politics or the elections or democrats v. republicans, because it addresses issues that are rather universal ---like how the world often changes us, how it forces us to think twice about beliefs we've once defended and adamantly stood for and how the choices we make ultimately reveal to us the kind of people we really are. O: I don't know how to properly explain it!!! Basta, I like it! Hehe. Plus the way Ryan Gosling cleaned up for it, so far from the total dick look he sported in Blue Valentine! d:

Distraction.

2012-01-06T22:38:00.000-08:00

Still sick. I would give everything for the pain to stop right now. Dear god, have mercy.

Woozy wussy.

2012-01-04T14:29:00.000-08:00

Forced to skip the annual Paolo is here/ k1b6 dinner. Sometimes I get so sure I will be dead by 30. ),: Sick beyond belief today.

Hello 2012.

2012-01-02T03:04:00.000-08:00

You're going to be awesome! I know it. (:

Some things are pretty on the surface, some to the core.

2011-12-31T02:58:00.000-08:00

To be continued...

2011-12-30T01:36:00.000-08:00

On our way back from the slightly stressful Boracay trip (how it took us 12 hours just to get there deserves a separate entry!) I was thinking of all of the other unfortunate things that happened to me in 2011 ---the things I lost, the things I wanted but failed to get, the unanswered prayers, the moments of frustration. And then I realized, even if I count all of these things ----every heartache, every heartbreak, I still have so much more to be thankful for! ((:

This random gratitude list will be on going until I think I've finally covered everything. (:

♥ getting so much love and kindness from my family
♥ completing the nine-day Christmas mass
♥ doing things I like again --blogging, teaching kids, reading, beading ((:
♥ being able to enjoy the simple things --a cup of good coffee, a really funny episode of my favorite show, the sun shining after days of rain ♥
♥ receiving random gifts --the chocolate cupcakes, the stuffed toy, the red lipstick ♥
♥ knowing the boy everyone adores ♥
♥ meeting new friends and spending time with old ones --the random dinners, lunches, bbm/ chat sessions
♥ talking to people I like on twitter, facebook, ym, bb, real life etc.
♥ listening to more music! -catching among others, Jason Mraz, Train, Sweet Charity, Zsa zsa, N2N, filling my play list with loads of Bon Iver, Frank Ocean, Adele, Eminem, Ellie Goulding, good old Stars, Passion Pit, Maroon 5, The Script ♥
♥ witnessing friends get married, have children --Lane, Jay, Tin, Wil, Page, Erika, Blue.... ♥
♥ seeing friends I do not get to see often and those whom I have not seen in a long time
♥ doing things people would think as NOT ME --hiking, snorkeling, jetski-ing, atv-riding my gosh, who would have thought, haha!
♥ having the opportunity to travel --this year I've been to Bohol, Palawan, Boracay for vacay; Cagayan de Oro, Bukidnon, Tagaytay, Batangas for work; Mt. Maculot, Mt. Gulugod Baboy for quick hikes
♥ getting new gadgets and to think i don't even like gadgets haha --new camera, new phone, new iPod - i have completely forgotten about these things!

If the table was turned, would you survive?

2011-12-19T02:09:00.001-08:00

Last week I spent almost an entire day at the police station. The investigators came over to ask the guard a number of questions. He was trembling, stuttering with his answers. It was a page ripped straight from Dostoyevsky’s Crime and Punishment.

*

It was a total bummer because it happened twice in a row. And really, to be screwed over by people you trust is not fun at all. My workmates and a number of close friends have asked about what happened reading through my Facebook and Twitter posts but I was never one to spread negative vibes. Unfortunately, I somehow still feel angry and scared and sad about it. ): Well, there were those whom I know really care about me and will always look after me. My mom and papa and gbu said I should just get over it and move on.

That girl, J

2011-12-10T04:10:00.000-08:00

Matty

J to Matty > So you can sleep with me in private, but you can't talk to me in public? Figure out what you want Matty because I'm tired of being your secret.

J to Matty > Because I really wanna go to the damn Formal and I want a limo and I want you to dress up in a Gorilla suit or surprise me with balloons or jump out of a coffin! I don’t know! Maybe not coffin but I want the big ask and I don’t care if you think it’s lame it is lame. But what? Nothing. You're a pussy. Take care.

Jake

Jake to J > The reason that I keep bringing up our kiss is because I like like you.

J on Jake > Unlike Matty, Jake wasn’t afraid to be a dork. And I was ready to dork out with him.

Everything with Jake was easy. Everything was as it was meant to be.

Jake, of course, came to my rescue. Even though I had turned down his winter formal invite, I could still depend on him to make me feel like a normal human being and not a communal punching bag.

J: Tonight is the first night anyone’s ever held my hand in public..besides my parents.
Jake: Does it freak you out?
J: No. It just makes me realize what I’ve been missing. <3.

And did you miss me while you were looking for yourself out there?

2011-12-08T02:01:00.000-08:00

Train was ♥. My jaw dropped after discovering I had to shell out P2500 for my ticket. Hello. I only know about 5 songs! Haha. But I surprisingly enjoyed myself. Pat Monahan was a total charmer. The memory of him going down the stage walking over the entire arena while singing Marry Me is one I would like to preserve forever. Plus the way everyone sang Drops of Jupiter in the end. Sigh. :D I love Jason Mraz and okay, Kylie but this gets my vote for concert of the year.

There's a world outside your window.

2011-12-04T01:36:00.000-08:00

Surprisingly there were still a lot of kids who came today even if it was raining. We made them read Kat’s letter from Penang. More than reading, actually. They had to get the file from the flash drive save it on My Docs and then remove the thing safely.

Jon was also there so he was able to teach Jericho and JC set up the new computers. And then we tried to start decorating the Center, making garlands and do/draw it yourself balls. The kids who came were mostly boys so the designs were pretty simple! Haha. I miss the girls. (;

Parrish - Black.

2011-11-29T15:23:00.000-08:00

William: How perfect for you - to take whatever you want because it pleases you. That's not love.
Joe: Then what is it?
William: Some aimless infatuation which, for the moment, you feel like indulging - it's missing everything that matters.
Joe: Which is what?
William: Trust, responsibility, taking the weight for your choices and feelings, and spending the rest of your life living up to them. And above all, not hurting the object of your love.

The Fact Is, according to Jill Scott.

2011-11-28T02:06:00.000-08:00

There are still days when you really wish someone will make everything right for you. All you have to do is to sit down, relax and wait. When you have the most awful case of snuffles, for instance.

Obsessions I don't share.

2011-11-22T04:26:00.000-08:00

Working/ living overseas, straight shiny black hair and everything Angry Birds.

Sexy and you know it.

2011-11-16T14:24:00.000-08:00

I already finished what remained of my sister's Saint's Alp drink before I heard her say I shouldn't touch it as it's meant for all nighters. Andy's gone but I'm still up downloading LMFAO songs. Everything's late, I know. In the same vein, only after a hundred years do I muster a decent reaction. "My god what are you doing, screwing up?" Haha. So retro! But its your life so whatever.

I'd like to wake up where you are.

2011-11-10T13:58:00.000-08:00

Letter 4.

2011-11-01T13:50:00.000-07:00

Be patient toward all that is unsolved in your heart and try to love the questions themselves, like locked rooms and like books that are now written in a very foreign tongue. Do not now seek the answers, which cannot be given you because you would not be able to live them. And the point is, to live everything. Live the questions now. Perhaps you will then gradually, without noticing it, live along some distant day into the answer.

I will always remember this pain.

2011-10-22T01:12:00.001-07:00

This is my memory of shadows:
like some forgotten regions
of our souls, they ran after us
or left us behind
in our childhood games
of hide-and-seek
where you always disappeared
behind the same non-flowering bushes
that will remain nameless for us.
You never moved while in hiding,
holding your breath
and embracing your trembling legs
as I always pretended
not to find
even your still shadow
against the drying leaves.
I tell you: I will always remember
this pain – how difficult it was
to keep on searching for someone else
when I already found you,
and to forget the blackness
that was your eyes
looking at me
in between those upright stems
that should have kept you hidden
from my own stare.

-To someone who has never been caught
Edgar Calabia Samar

What did Adam whisper to Evelyn?

2011-08-14T08:18:00.001-07:00

The heart of the matter.

2011-07-20T17:49:00.000-07:00

Dinner with one of the lolas last night. I would never understand why any of them would think I'm emotionally ready for heartbreak stories. Ack. So, there... Love is a decision. If there's anything of value I've learned in the past year, that would be it. Sometimes people decide to choose you. Sometimes they don't. And when the latter happens, the most you can do is to accept it and show them why they could be wrong.

I'm just a love letter away!

2011-07-20T03:32:00.000-07:00

Currently obsessed with letters! To the point that I've actually launched a tumblog dedicated to those I like. I can be pretty severe, over the top, I know. LOL. But I patiently wait for one to appear in my inbox every day, don't I? So I guess it's understood. d: Anyway, I've been looking for this particular letter of Heidegger to Arendt, something I've saved way back college. It's special because she is a Jew and he is a Nazi and despite the odds they fell in love somehow. I've wasted an entire day searching for a copy online all to no avail. Good thing, I found this instead. (:

London
September 11, 1970

Dearest Elizabeth:

I am living in a silly Back Bay part of London, there are many, near the Cadogan Hotel where Wilde was arrested, leading a silly but not unhappy life. I expect to get back for a couple of weeks at Christmas, and trust I’ll have much time to see you.

Lizzie and I have more or less separated, though as good-naturedly as such things can be. I have someone else. And the future looks cheerful, but who at our age can ever tell? I still feel I can reach up and touch the ceiling of one’s end. Yet I have nothing more serious than a tooth to be capped. I sometimes think our age is as full of unknowns as seventeen. We really couldn’t see at all clearly then.

———

Read more http://www.newyorker.com/archive/2004/12/20/041220fa_fact#ixzz1Sdhfoy9F

Word.

2011-07-19T03:50:00.001-07:00

You can tell the world what you want them to hear but you and I know the reason why I'm gone and you're still there.

Hindi kita iniibig lang.

2011-07-07T03:21:00.000-07:00

Hindi Kita Iibigin
- Pia Montalban

Hindi kita iibigin
sa takot na masaktan kita
dahil ang pag-ibig
para sa akin ay punyal
na kumikitil ng ligaya

Hindi kita iibigin
sa takot na mabasag kita
dahil ang pag-ibig
para sa akin ay lindol
na dumidiskaril ng mga akala

Hindi kita iibigin
sa takot na masikil kita
dahil ang pag-ibig
para sa akin ay bartolina
na nagpipinid ng laya

Hindi kita iibigin
kung hatid ng pagpigil
ay 'yong ligaya
kung hatid ng paghimpil
ay katuparan ng akala
kung hatid ng pagpapalaya
ay 'yong paglago

Hindi kita iibigin
dahil hindi kita iniibig
lang.

Friday with friends.

2011-06-18T19:32:00.000-07:00

Mr. Mahlok was booked in Manila Hotel so we had to go all the way to pick him up. I felt terribly sorry for Beth cos she was the one driving. The traffic was horrible and since all of us are from the North, none of us were really familiar with the roads. We just found out Roxas Blvd is now filled with U-turn slots like the ones in EDSA. We got there after more than two hours. )):

After a bit of chit chat we finally headed to Arya in Rob Midtown for late dinner. Mr. Mahlok is a Moslem so we had to make sure everything was halal. The place did not disappoint. They serve Persian so we asked for salad, bread and plates of kebab. Okay, fine koobideh to be exact. Haha. Not really fond of taking food pics but they were all yummy and the servings were all good for sharing. I particularly liked their specialty salad. So stuffed when we finished.

It was a good dinner. We were able to catch up and share stories. We also got the gifts Cheggy and Zaya sent for us when he visited Ulaanbatar. Those two girls are the sweetest!

Arya, Rob Manila Midtown

Wishes.

2011-06-15T16:16:00.000-07:00

For what it’s worth: it’s never too late or, in my case, too early to be whoever you want to be. There’s no time limit, stop whenever you want. You can change or stay the same, there are no rules to this thing. We can make the best or the worst of it. I hope you make the best of it. And I hope you see things that startle you. I hope you feel things you never felt before. I hope you meet people with a different point of view. I hope you live a life you’re proud of. If you find that you’re not, I hope you have the strength to start all over again.
The Curious Case of Benjamin Button

Mishoo.

2011-06-14T02:36:00.000-07:00

A lot of people are saying, "It's not going to work." So negative! Sometimes I just want to snap back, "Really? Okay. Watch me!". But well, whatever, they are entitled to their own opinion.

Super 8.

2011-06-10T18:33:00.000-07:00

Run off to MOA with the headband girls to catch an advanced screening of Super 8. Fun night. There were plenty of bankers cos it was a fund raiser initiated by a financial institution. They want to send poor kids to school and then right after suck them into their black hole of corporate evils. Nyahaha. K. I kid. d:

Elle Fanning was the cutest! I enjoyed the first hour more than the second. The ending, I am not quite sure I like. The entire thing is supposed to be a homage to the great Spielberg. It's something he would be pleased with, I'd like to think. Over all, the movie was interesting, entertaining. Just as is Fringe and Lost and Alias and Felicity. The lines sported my brand of humor so consider me biased. J.J. Abrams is a dork. Although of the awesome kind, he's still a dork.

It's just insane, sometimes.

2011-06-08T03:15:00.000-07:00

“Being entertained is not the same as being happy. Perpetual amusement leads only to the perpetual threat of boredom. They keys to true happiness lie elsewhere.”

Like I'm just doing this to pass the time. Of course that's partly untrue. Ulk. I should really get my period soon. Send my hormones back in order, Lord. Please.

Catch up!

2011-06-06T02:48:00.000-07:00

Last week was catch up week. I couldn't be any happier! The headband girls and I went to visit Erika and Alexa. Sadly, I was not able to take a picture of the baby cos we came past visiting hours. Bah. Then dinner with the lolas as Lane was in Manila. Then next day, the old old "book club" members reunite! Haha. All of them are working for private companies now. Omg. Who would have thought.

I wish it's possible to see people you like on a regular basis but that's another thing about growing up and getting old, there's just so much to do and so little time to do them all. It's a real challenge to make everyone's crazy schedules meet!

Rockefeller, Greenbelt 3.

Cyma, Shangri la

Crossing out movies from the list.

2011-05-28T05:34:00.000-07:00

My friends have seen Pirates of the Caribbean, Fast 5 and Thor. I haven't. Instead, I've seen Something Borrowed, No Strings Attached, Love and Distrust, Daydream Nation and Crazy Little Thing Called Love. I've even seen Beastly! What is wrong with me? Haha.

Saturn return.

2011-05-26T03:28:00.000-07:00

Today, officially marks my entry to the late twenties. K, I'm gonna head out cry now. Sigh.

They gave me this cake at work, hehe.

Stars.

2011-05-08T05:20:00.000-07:00

My lucky day! As if they fell down from the skies straight into the shores. I have not seen this many stars in one lot. Thank you Lord!<3.

Bohol Beach Club, May 2011.

Love note.

2011-02-01T01:10:00.000-08:00

Sweetest thing I've been told in a long time. I am about to cry now. Haha.

I love you Novak!

2011-01-30T19:35:00.000-08:00

Hurray for free Apps.

2011-01-20T23:30:00.000-08:00

Finally, I was able to finally sync apps to the Itouch. These are pictures taken using Insta.gram.

Face clips from Paulo! Yay.

Blue rogues, got it from Carmellettes

Top of my head.

2011-01-17T02:08:00.000-08:00

Tomorrow I might try looking for a new job.

Searching for words I used to know.

2011-01-10T02:37:00.000-08:00

I've been really slow at work since I got back. I had to write a proposal today, it was extremely painful. I couldn't even organize my thoughts to form something coherent. What I would usually write for an hour, today took me forever. I know I am not exactly the best writer and things would not change over night but here's to hoping tomorrow will be better.

Lazy Sundays.

2011-01-09T02:30:00.000-08:00

Spent half the day surfing the net on my tummy in bed. The height of sloth, I tell you. Lol. And then I got up I cleaned my room and did other chores.

My first climb.

2011-01-08T19:28:00.000-08:00

Mt. Maculot for my first climb. With people I just met for the first time - Hi Paolo! Hi Pauleen! Haha. (: Thank you. Good god! Whoever thought I was actually capable of this.

Taken from other side of the mountain.

Party Friday.

2011-01-07T23:52:00.000-08:00

For the annual @paololim is here dinner, we all met in Chili's in Greenbelt 5. I don't exactly like going to Makati because it's a stretch coming from where I live in QC but thankfully Tin was driving so we had a ride. Most of the Twitter people came ---@nins_almeda, @weedimes, @fiiireflai, @jeffersonsy and other AtSCAns close to Pao ---Ate Judy, Ate Toni, Ate Helene, Keith with her hubby and Diane.

It was a fun night catching up. I really miss AtSCA, k1b6, attending prayer on Fridays and going to area. I still try to go to church and to pray regularly but it's different when you are part of a group that does not require you to fit a certain mold but rather helps you grow in your faith. Also, the kind of grounding you get when you go to the communities where you're really compelled to reflect. It's difficult to get that from elsewhere. A lot of groups nowadays just fill into the traditional charismatic type or the celebrity laden it's hip to believe in God categories. I don't know. I'd like think everyone wants something more genuine than either of that. I certainly do.

k1b6 meets k1b4. (: I miss AtSCA!

Chili's, GB5. Everyone! Prayer - retreat should be next!

Gleek.

2011-01-06T22:16:00.000-08:00

Got to Trinoma mall forty five minutes before closing. Shopped for thirty minutes, much of it spent in line waiting for girls who take too long in the fitting room. Ack. What the heck is your problem????? If it doesn't look good, it will never look good! Haha. Bought the white version of this Glee shirt. So addicting! I want the New York shirt and the Cheerio too.(:

Another day of meetings, meetings and meetings at work. Lol.

Post holiday food sorties.

2011-01-05T20:11:00.000-08:00

Last year, I received around three Christmas bundles. I've already repackaged the contents to form what could become a logical Christmas dinner and gave them to the two guards in the flat before going home. But there were still a few misplaced items left in the pantry which I have been itching to finish off ever since we got back.

Incidentally, I bumped into Betchay last night and she said she would be sending pastries for the girls. Perfect timing, I thought. This morning I mixed the pasta and the ham from the left over bundle and just tossed in some fresh tomatoes, capers and basil. Yes, I'm feeling Whitney Miller from Master Chef! Haha. This sustained us through brunch and the afternoon break.(:

Too bad Sheryl and Elli weren't there. Bah.

The wedding planners.

2011-01-04T18:10:00.000-08:00

Dinner at Cravings with @ileynsanshayn, @d3vani and @leyangeles. I came in late cos I first had to do my groceries and when I got home I couldn't find my keys. Did the place become small or what? Darn, I am getting old.

After much coaxing, lol, @ileynsanshayn is moving finally forward with the wedding planning. They are still perfecting details but @d3vani and I have volunteered to take care of souvenirs, tokens and other fancy schmancies. I'm actually excited! I can't wait to plan my own wedding. Haha. Someday. d: I love how I can tell my friends all my stupid stories and be totally okay that they think I am stupid. Does that even make sense? d: Haha.

*

It was a slow day at work. I guess because people are just getting back into the groove. Sheryl and I had two breaks, I had to eat cup noodles the first time. I don't even know how to work the cup anymore. I haven't eaten that kind of junk in a long time.

Jokes.

2011-01-03T04:39:00.000-08:00

So we made a deal, P10, 000/ month, twice a week + 2 bonus sessions, wasted if not consumed following schedule. Really simple, I will just have to pretend that I do not get hurt and I do not care. Lolz.

We had dinner at Crave Burger, just a few blocks away. I had fish burger which I did not enjoy at all because the fritter was not shaped for the bun and it tasted a bit like spoiled fish. X had twister fries which were very oily. Their byline screamed good burger, good place, good times but I don't know, it seemed like another good joke.

*Crave Burger - Esteban Abada St. Loyola Hgts., QC

2010-12-14T02:51:00.000-08:00

zooper.

2010-10-31T07:22:00.000-07:00

Sheryl, Wilma and Wil's sister paid me a visit. Florie, Elle and Beto didn't make it. Bummer.

plant for dinner .

2010-10-18T07:20:00.000-07:00

Screwing ourselves silly in Burgoo after dinner. Haha. I rode with the Deva and Robbie.

hectic day.

2010-10-16T07:28:00.000-07:00

We graduated without even knowing.

Exhausting all our stories to give time for Lane's.

jack-ass.

2010-08-06T00:15:00.001-07:00

I think I've finally figured out how he does it. What a total jack ass. On the bright side, I might have found some use for the fact that our IT unit is full of crap.

xoxo, Gossip Girl.

2010-08-01T00:13:00.000-07:00

60% fail.

values.

2010-07-27T21:14:00.000-07:00

Where do you put your time, energy and money? Those are the true tests of what we value, regardless of what we like to tell ourselves. If we are not willing to pay a price for our values, to make some sacrifices in order to realize them, then maybe we should ask ourselves whether we truly believe in them at all.

what do you think?

2010-07-26T03:28:00.000-07:00

As you can see, I've managed to change my header and actually make the images appear by using another host. Woot! So happy! I still know how to view page source and tinker with css/html after all. Haha. For sure, real coding people and real lay out artists are going to laugh at me for this shameless celebration of naivete. Lols.

In truly important matters, PNoy's SONA "Pwede na uling mangarap" is just Obama's "The Audacity of Hope" fashioned differently, methinks. Of course, Obama happens to be more inspiring.

waiting for home.

2010-07-24T21:48:00.000-07:00

He's happy + You're happy = ♥

I'd love to give you my blog a make-over. That Flickr is blocking the images really annoy me and preventing me from posting more regularly. Gah! One of these days. I will have the patience for coding again. Haha, feeling. It's going to be soon. The day I will be really happy again. Just wait for it! d:

so you're not.

2010-07-21T04:14:00.001-07:00

If you're interested, you will do what is convenient; if you're committed, you'll do what it takes.

cougartown.

2010-07-16T02:17:00.000-07:00

Every time * passes this way, I feel the need to pretend I’m working. Haha. Such a drama queen! It is downtime at work for me, with only administrative matters to attend to before project closure. So, as in the last time this happened, I find myself indulging in all my guilty pleasures. I am checking FB more often, organizing Itunes and thinking of resurrecting my dormant blogs. I miss Chictopia, I have not updated since the bad news.

rockstars and regrets.

2010-07-11T05:31:00.000-07:00

The many things we were not able to do cos you said they were not allowed.

sirena williams.

2010-07-01T04:08:00.000-07:00

I am just happy to still get positive feedback. A lot of boo-boos this run ---I did not start on time first day. I did not print session guides during peer teaching. I did not ask to them to move around when they gave their feedback. I can go on and on. Although they probably did not notice. They still offered me almost all of their "I'm sorry" tabs. I know I am patient but I also know I am not the most soft spoken person around. At best, I am snarky and sarcastic. Sometimes I wonder if I am really a bad person? Cos I've been continuously told that recently. Lols.

The other thing that caused me to wonder... I even asked some of them about it, lols.... uhm, why do they find her attractive? SERIOUSLY. Just as security guards and drivers dig me (mwahahaha), are there specific fan bases for certain types of girls?

wash off.

2010-06-30T00:57:00.000-07:00

For My Lover, Returning To His Wife
-Anne Sexton

She is all there.
She was melted carefully down for you
and cast up from your childhood,
cast up from your one hundred favorite aggies.

She has always been there, my darling.
She is, in fact, exquisite.
Fireworks in the dull middle of February
and as real as a cast-iron pot.

Let's face it, I have been momentary.
A luxury. A bright red sloop in the harbor.
My hair rising like smoke from the car window.
Littleneck clams out of season.

She is more than that. She is your have to have,
has grown you your practical your tropical growth.
This is not an experiment. She is all harmony.
She sees to oars and oarlocks for the dinghy,

has placed wild flowers at the window at breakfast,
sat by the potter's wheel at midday,
set forth three children under the moon,
three cherubs drawn by Michelangelo,

done this with her legs spread out
in the terrible months in the chapel.
If you glance up, the children are there
like delicate balloons resting on the ceiling.

She has also carried each one down the hall
after supper, their heads privately bent,
two legs protesting, person to person
her face flushed with a song and their little sleep.

I give you back your heart.
I give you permission—

for the fuse inside her, throbbing
angrily in the dirt, for the bitch in her
and the burying of her wound—
for the burying of her small red wound alive—

for the pale flickering flare under her ribs,
for the drunken sailor who waits in her left pulse,
for the mother's knee, for the stockings,
for the garter belt, for the call—

the curious call
when you will burrow in arms and breasts
and tug at the orange ribbon in her hair
and answer the call, the curious call.

She is so naked and singular.
She is the sum of yourself and your dream.
Climb her like a monument, step after step.
She is solid.

As for me, I am a watercolor.
I wash off.

the stupidity that is okaycupid. lols.

2010-06-29T14:39:00.000-07:00

xangeliex:

We are very pleased to report that you are in the top half of OkCupid's most attractive users. The scales recently tipped in your favor, and we thought you'd like to know.

How can we say this with confidence? We've tracked click-thrus on your photo and analyzed other people's reactions to you in QuickMatch and Quiver.

HAHAHA.

X

Death of a farthing romance. 'Chos. This is the year I cried an ocean of tears and along the way learned a lot of lessons. (:

how to get through a six day work week in one piece.

2010-06-27T16:43:00.000-07:00

Nothing is as enervating as making a conscious effort to maintain composure. It's difficult to check with yourself every now and then to make sure that you do not start crying cos if you start, god knows if you will be able to stop. Haha. d: I really REALLY want to believe that things happen for a reason. But even when I am fully convinced that everything is going to work out for the best, sooner than later, I cannot lie to myself and pretend I am enjoying this part. Pain is pain, suffering is suffering said bro. Healing mass yesterday at the chapel. You already know what I prayed for. ♥

ratatatat.

2010-06-15T02:44:00.001-07:00

Inhale, exhale.

I want to give everyone a hug right now!

cos there's nothing good on tv.

2010-06-14T05:26:00.000-07:00

I am thousands of centuries late but I'll say it anyway, Wuthering Heights is awesome pala! Grabe! Couldn't put it down! Haha. I'm such a loser, whatever. Never claimed to be a bibliophile! d:

Thank you Emily Bronte, I think I'm gonna give reading classics again another try. (: Maybe now I am ready. Maybe it takes a certain amount of maturity to like such things. As if it's necessary to experience certain life events first to be able to relate to the characters. I don't know. But the Russians seemed like a bad idea. Haha. Looking back, they're much too depressing for starters! I think the English are okay. Maybe I'll try Austen next. Ate Jen said she enjoyed Persuasion. Er, yea.... I'm actually excited! <3. Haha.

we haven't turn around.

2010-06-11T07:16:00.000-07:00

Fighting every urge to get wicked. Haha. So hard. I am by nature kind and sweet but its hard to forgive when you've been crossed. So God, I pray for your grace.

gestalt.

2010-06-07T20:48:00.001-07:00

At a psycho-biological level, the familiar image of a face is not ‘built’ in the human brain by recognizing eyes, nose, and mouth individually then putting them together and coming up with the composite face. People form an impression of the whole face, the whole picture, namely the Gestalt. In Gestalt, we talk about the “Figure of Interest” – the thing we are interested in at this particular moment.

A second fundamental characteristic of perception, is that individuals will naturally move towards closure of each perceive figure, our perceptual process compels us to complete the figure or to fill the gaps. An incomplete figure, interferes with the formation of new figures, which results in the individual remaining pre-occupied and less available for something new.

Perls applied these principles to the emotional world. He proposed that we need sufficient closure in any interaction in order for it to be satisfying and/or complete. When you have felt upset by something or someone, how often does the incident stay with you until you find a way of sorting it out? It is only at that point that the incident is genuinely finished and a complete Gestalt is formed.

-Coaching approaches derived from gestalt

hello, hell-o.

2010-05-31T19:46:00.000-07:00

They blocked Facebook and Twitter and Youtube and Multiply, even Chictopia!!!!! Gah. To say, I'm not a bit chagrined would be an understatement. Haha. d: On the bright side, maybe now I will finally blog on a more regular basis. (:

dream on.

2010-05-29T03:16:00.001-07:00

"That's not a dream. A dream is something that fills up the emptiness inside. The one thing that you know, if it came true, all the hurt would go away."

"Why did you come back?" "I miss all of your drama."

Haha. Cuteness! You are my dream. I'd like you to show up at my door, Jesse St. James. ILU!

GPOV.

2010-05-19T19:12:00.001-07:00

I did get a pretty good lecture last night.

timeline.

2010-05-18T18:49:00.000-07:00

The difficult part is the transition. The concepts and principles stay the same but the framework is ever changing. How often should updates be made? A time line actually feasible when you need to cascade the information to an entire nation. Ugh! Kalurkey.

enneagram.

2010-05-18T04:08:00.001-07:00

The Helper (the Two)
Helpers are warm, concerned, nurturing, and sensitive to other people's needs.

How to Get Along with Me
* Tell me that you appreciate me. Be specific.
* Share fun times with me.
* Take an interest in my problems, though I will probably try to focus on yours.
* Let me know that I am important and special to you.
* Be gentle if you decide to criticize me.

In Intimate Relationships
* Reassure me that I am interesting to you.
* Reassure me often that you love me.
* Tell me I'm attractive and that you're glad to be seen with me.

Personality tests scare me!

the path to change is painful and scorching hot.

2010-05-10T16:50:00.000-07:00

Waited five hours for the chance to vote but that’s okay. I will endure anything for you, my dear Philippines. I love you that much. Wow. I’m going to cry now. I actually mean it, you know. One of my few admitted oddities is that I don’t feel much, not about a lot of things. Haha. But I definitely feel strongly for this country and its people. ♥

set yourself on fire.

2010-05-07T02:31:00.000-07:00

It's sweet when someone knows every single detail about you not because you constantly remind them but because they really pay attention. ♥

True, right? You wouldn't have to ask because you already know. For a while back there, I totally forgot how much I like Tumblr. Haha. I've been viewing backlogs and I'm liking it. It's now my current default. (:

But first things first, I need to clean up. We're moving to the 5F and... I don't know know what to feel about it! Wah. I need the change but this might be too much too soon! )= Come on... I still have not completed the list of things I need to buy for my new room at home. I have not even adjusted well enough for me to sleep properly and sleep there every night and now, I'm forced to leave my spot right beside the wall? No!!!! Haha. OA, a bit. Absurd, even. But I actually hyperventilate at the thought. I am not very good at changes. It takes a long time for me to get used to something. Its my brand of autism and guess what, its not fun. )=

laugh out loud, man.

2010-05-06T02:55:00.000-07:00

Haven't been this positive in a long while. God, I am running out of words! I'll try to share it when I finally get a full hold of myself. But for now, MWAHAHAHA. Hopefully, this will last me the entire week. d;

hard to beat.

2010-05-05T03:23:00.000-07:00

I did something wicked this morning. Heh.

friends, lovers or nothing.

2010-04-29T03:06:00.000-07:00

♫ anything other than yes is no, anything other than stay is go, anything less than "I love you" is lying ♫

They moved the John Mayer concert to October. I was hoping to score myself decent tickets as a sort of birthday present but I might have to come up with another, better idea now. I'm adding a year to my age in a couple of days. I am so old! I know! It's making me sad. So sad, I haven't finished anything for work this week. Haha. Well, hindi naman yun lang, pero kasi.... ),= di ba? As in Reality Bites, "I thought I was going to be really something at the age of 23." Uh oh. I'm going to have a breakdown right now. HAHA. Okay, okay, breathe. Whew. I'm such a Gemini.

Happy thoughts: We're sponsoring a training program for medical officers who are part of the Doctors to the Barrios program and gG just confirmed that Criston is part of this batch. Cuteness! I never imagined we'd cross paths career wise, he called me Prinsesa ng Pagbabalatkayo in highschool. Eeep. HAHA. <3. Wil is running it this month but I am taking over next month.

Well... that is if I am still here. Thinking of moving somewhere else right now. I don't know! Wah. Would such decision making seem too impetuous? I have this sudden, although rather intense, urge to throw away, delete, forget everything, without mercy and just start on a clean slate. ),= Most likely triggered by the events which occurred last month. Ay ayan na naman, syet. It's just May and already it feels like a bad year.... dear God, prove me wrong, please? d:

I'm going to finish this thing for Sheryl first. Later! (:

the inevitable.

2010-04-02T00:58:00.000-07:00

The funny thing is I've always sort of planned out what I am going to do once this finally happens. And yet I'm still crying. Haha. It's so easy to just go out, drunk myself silly, meet another and forget everything. But I do not want that. I want to make the most out of this. And I want to do it, slowly but surely. Let's go positive vibes. (:

2010-03-28T05:08:00.000-07:00

The God Who Loves You
Carl Dennis

It must be troubling for the god who loves you
To ponder how much happier you'd be today
Had you been able to glimpse your many futures,
It must be painful for him to watch you on Friday evenings
Driving home from the office, content with your week--
Three fine houses sold to deserving families--
Knowing as he does exactly what would have happened
Had you gone to your second choice for college.
Knowing the roommate you'd have been allotted
Whose ardent opinions on painting and music
Would have kindled in you a life-long passion.
A life thirty points above the life you're living
On any scale of satisfaction. And every point
A thorn in the side of the god who loves you.
You don't want that, a large-souled man like you
Who tries to withold from your wife the day's disappointments
So she can save her empathy for the children.
And would you want this god to compare your wife
With the woman you were destined to meet on the other campus?
It hurts you to think of him ranking the conversation
You'd have enjoyed over there higher in insight
Than the conversation you're used to.
And think how this loving god would feel
Knowing that the man next in line for your wife
Would have pleased her more than you ever will
Even on your best days, when you really try.
Can you sleep at night believing a god like that
Is pacing his cloudy bedroom, harassed by alternatives
You're spared by ignorance? The difference between what is
And what could have been will remain alive for him
Even after you cease existing, after you catch a chill
Running out in the snow for the morning paper,
Losing eleven years that the god who loves you
Will feel compelled to imagine scene by scene
Unless you come to the rescue by imagining him
No wiser than you are, no god at all, only a friend
No closer than the actual friend you made at college,
The one you haven't written in months. Sit down tonight
And write him about the life you can talk about
With a claim to authority, the life you've witnessed,
Which for all you know is the life you've chosen.

up in the air, 2009.

2010-02-21T03:38:00.000-08:00

What were you thinking showing up on my door like that? Look I'm sorry I ruined your evening, but I mean, seriously.... you gotta screw things up for me.. (?) That's my family! That's my real life!
I thought I was part of your real life.
I thought our relationship was perfectly clear... You are an escape, you're a parentheses from my normal life.
I'm a parentheses.

Aww, George Clooney. )=

if i write, i don't have to remember.

2010-01-03T18:22:00.000-08:00

So I looked at my diary and there's nothing. I do know that many interesting things happened this year and that I have not been very consistent in pinning them down.

I promised myself I will try to write more often this year and I do intend to keep that promise. Not really to analyze moments as they happen but to remember how life was like and how exactly specific instances feel at points in time. I will still keep the private diary blog, private but I will be in TWITTER for random blahs and TUMBLR for lengthier posts. I wish I can try html/css again like before but they don’t really give you that much time in adult life, lolx.

where pictures and words collide.

2009-10-28T22:58:00.000-07:00

http://paiwinklebloo.tumblr.com/

no name face.

2009-10-06T00:11:00.000-07:00

Finally got myself a tumblr. I just realized I am actually everywhere! I still keep the diary, since 2003. (: And although I've limited the readers to a number of people (aka me myself and the boyfriend), I've started posting random entries everywhere. I have Plurk and Twitter for episodic memories' sake. I'm also in Facebook, Multiply, Flickr, Shelfari, E-bay, YouTube, Scribd. And I still keep my Friendster account just for the kicks.

Oo, social networking kung social networking talaga! Pero sa totoo lang, wala naman akong tao na gusto at kailangan... hmmmm.... ikaw lang. d: Chos!

series.

2009-09-15T00:48:00.000-07:00

While I enjoy the comfort of marathons, I also kind of miss the thrill of waiting and the eventual formation of a tv watching habit. d: Nobody talks about what happened during last night's episode anymore. Frankly, I can't tell which episode is which anymore. Haha. And yet on hindsight, these things seem more exciting to note than the exact number of copies that sold this season.

don't do it.

2009-09-14T02:07:00.000-07:00

So you want to be a writer
-Bukowski

if it doesn’t come bursting out of you
in spite of everything,
don’t do it.
unless it comes unasked out of your
heart and your mind and your mouth
and your gut,
don’t do it.
if you have to sit for hours
staring at your computer screen
or hunched over your
typewriter
searching for words,
don’t do it.
if you’re doing it for money or
fame,
don’t do it.
if you’re doing it because you want
women in your bed,
don’t do it.
if you have to sit there and
rewrite it again and again,
don’t do it.
if it’s hard work just thinking about doing it,
don’t do it.
if you’re trying to write like somebody
else,
forget about it.
if you have to wait for it to roar out of
you,
then wait patiently.
if it never does roar out of you,
do something else.

if you first have to read it to your wife
or your girlfriend or your boyfriend
or your parents or to anybody at all,
you’re not ready.

don’t be like so many writers,
don’t be like so many thousands of
people who call themselves writers,
don’t be dull and boring and
pretentious, don’t be consumed with self-
love.
the libraries of the world have
yawned themselves to
sleep
over your kind.
don’t add to that.
don’t do it.
unless it comes out of
your soul like a rocket,
unless being still would
drive you to madness or
suicide or murder,
don’t do it.
unless the sun inside you is
burning your gut,
don’t do it.

when it is truly time,
and if you have been chosen,
it will do it by
itself and it will keep on doing it
until you die or it dies in you.

there is no other way.

and there never was.

labels.

2009-09-10T21:25:00.000-07:00

I like how pop culture allows us to borrow from songs and poems and movies, labels for ideas and emotions we haven’t really given much thought of but are nonetheless very relevant and REAAAAAALLLLL to us. Example: Keane depression "Everybody's changing and I don't feel the same." Haha.

TRUE!

2009-09-04T00:15:00.000-07:00

We can never judge the lives of others, because each person knows only their own pain and renunciation. It's one thing to feel that you are on the right path, but it's another to think that yours is the only path. -Coelho

prayer book.

2009-09-02T03:00:00.001-07:00

So… comparing…. My Blair Waldorf past time, haha. Kids –Dogs Oz –As Ateneo/UP –Same Baking –Sports (1) HAHAHAHA. Jason Mraz –Same Librarian –Party girl (1) Charity (1) –Corporate Upper East Side –Brooklyn Smile –Boobs (1) Clincher! Haha. Okay, enough! This is stupid. Haha. Fun though! Just won’t change anything. Somebody gets the post, I don’t.

why do you let me stay here all by myself?

2009-08-17T02:12:00.000-07:00

I certainly do not understand why anybody would insist on going through life alone. It has to be one of the scariest possibilities. Anybody who would claim otherwise probably has not experienced the extreme joy of being with someone and therefore cannot imagine suffering the loneliness should all it be gone.

careful confessions.

2009-08-12T22:25:00.000-07:00

You can argue I am looking from the perspective of a moralist. In Europe or the States and more open minded communities, something that would create much flak here, there probably would not be much of a big deal... which leads me to wonder... what then is the true dynamics of justice and fairness? How does the world punish and forgive? How does God's mind work? When He looks at me, does he judge me with a context in mind, what does He see?

tweeting.

2009-06-02T17:52:00.001-07:00

Old notes: Even being alone, its better than sitting next to a lover and feeling lonely.

am i just being overcritical or what?

2009-01-09T01:15:00.000-08:00

i go to work everyday but still feel like i never really finish anything.

quoting scarjo.

2009-01-08T21:37:00.001-08:00

"I've had that a couple of times where he wasn't into me or wasn't available emotionally," she said. "It's kind of a hard thing to admit when you really like somebody and you can see the potential of the relationship but they can't."

objectifying christmas.

2008-12-18T08:50:00.000-08:00

WISH List!

What i really want:
new phone
sewing machine
mixer for baking
new laptop
an all expense paid trip with pocket money
car + driver, in short, taxi! haha. d:
a business that can work itself out
not so complicated relationships

For kris kringles and exchange gifts:
earrings holder for showroom
metal hard case for nano 3rd gen
DVD -maging sino ka man and kahit isang saglit
thong flats white